Deliverance...16

Sunaina stood looking out at the fields for a long time. Her three children were huddled close to each other behind her on the floor. The quilt barely enough to cover their growing bodies.

The money lender was due to come again today to collect his dues; she had hoped that by some miracle she would be able to collect enough money to atleast pay the interest but try as she might she couldn’t arrange enough half the amount.

The moneylender had clearly indicated last time that he wouldn’t take no for an answer anymore, it would have to be either the money or her next time.

She had tried her best to repay the debts, pawning the last bit of jewellery she owned even the little that had been gifted to her children but the loan seemed unending. A loan which had gone to fuel Inder’s drinking and gambling and which she now had to pay back with her honour. The ignominy of it ran shivers down her spine.

The sudden flash of inspiration brought her to life. She looked again to check that the children were sound asleep, barred the door from outside and went off to the neighbourhood STD booth.

On her return she peeped in to find the children still sleeping. She walked across to the kitchen walked in locked the door and calmly poured the kerosene oil on herself. She looked around found the match box and set herself on fire. She watched fascinated as the flames leaped up to engulf her, almost welcoming. She kept quiet for as long as she could before the shrill cry that brought the neighbours running was heard. The doctor tried his best with the limited facilities available at a village dispensary but she was too far gone.

Sujata had been informed by her maid when she woke that Sunaina had called early in the morning to ask her to visit the village today urgently. She had moved immediately the summons sending a chill through her and her instinct had proved right. By the time she reached all she could do was console the children and make arrangements for the cremation. No one knew where Inder was so Sunaina’s eldest son had to do the rites. In her heart Sujata knew that Sunaina wouldn’t have wanted Inder to do it either.


There was not much left to do, the money lender to whom the land was mortgaged quickly claimed it as his. Sujata called Amit with the news and then boldly said she was bringing the children home with her. Amit acquiesced without a murmur and Sujata yet again wondered what had changed her husband so much.

Within twenty fours hours of Sunaina’s contemplating the helplessness of her situation, everything had been sorted out. Her house was shut down, her children still dazed, not fully comprehending what had happened were looking forward to visiting the city with Sujata and her debts had been paid off.Sunaina had found deliverance.

Waiting...15

Sujata felt excited, Amit was returning from his business trip today. She fussed about in the kitchen, a place she seldom visited. Her recent visits to her village had reminded her of all the delicious stuff that her grandmother used to cook up with simple vegetables and she had decided she would make some of that for Amit.

His trip this time had been exceptionally long. Almost a month and she imagined that he would be craving simple home cooked food. She checked her watch yet again….she needed to hurry to be able to take a bath before he came.

Sujata often wondered about her relationship with Amit. Her own feelings puzzled her. The only two occasions she could remember when Amit had held her really close were during her labor pains and two months back when they had both rushed to Mussourie on being informed that Deeksha was being followed by an unknown man.

That was also something she was curious to know about. Amit had been receiving regular updates from the detective agency that had been hired to find the man and ensure Deeksha’s safety. He had not passed on all the details to her. Since he was away she had not pressed for details however now that he would be back she could ask for more information.

The familiar black gates opening to allow the car entry reminded Amit once again of a cave, his own den which protected him from all that happened in the outside world. His mind went over the past month and he couldn’t believe that he had actually stayed on hunting for a young man, whose name also he wasn’t sure of.

What madness had gripped him! The boy’s behavior had infuriated him, puzzled him and at last made him feel humbled. He was not used to charity and that’s what the boy had done towards him. He couldn’t come away without repaying the gesture in some manner. So he tried his best to find the boy. But try as he might he couldn’t find the boy. He had gone back to that pub every evening for a week but the boy never showed up again. He was afraid to ask after him, it would raise too many eyebrows. And there was the bigger question of who to ask after; he didn’t even have a name to start on.

Only the mails from the detective agency had the power to drag him back home otherwise for how long he would have continued on that hopeless pursuit even he wasn’t aware. The mails mentioned that the stalker was back after having disappeared for almost ten days.

Through all his passions and problems Deeksha remained one string that could pull him back. He still remembered the first moment when the nurse had taken him to see her. She had her eyes closed tightly and she seemed to be sleeping. A little red bundle with a very brave face. As he stood looking she had opened her eyes and smiled. He had fallen in love and that love helped him tide over the most turbulent and sad moments of his life, always.

Opening up .....14

Amit got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, he was about to pick up his robe when the memory of last night came flooding back and he left it on the floor. Refreshed, he moved towards the electric kettle on the side board he wanted to fix himself and his companion a nice cup of tea.

It was only at times like these that he ever bothered to do these small homely acts; it gave him a strange sense of relaxation and peace. In the other world he inhabited he was the lord and master and it was unthinkable that he do anything himself, there were always a retinue of servants to do his bidding. But times like now were too personal and intimate to allow for a third to intrude.

He surveyed the messy bed yet again; his companion was still sleeping, hand thrown over eyes to shield against the light. Amit drew the curtains completely aside allowing the sun to come through and brighten up the room. He felt strangely young and full of exuberance though nothing in his measured walk and action would have shown what he felt inside.

He went over with the cup of tea and gently shook the sleeper awake and handed over the tea cup, with a reluctant grunt the guy got up and then realizing where he was gave a sheepish grin and accepted the cup.

Amit looked him over yet again; he was a beauty. Normally Amit never picked partners so rashly but this guy was different. He was working as a bouncer at a bar Amit had visited last night. Amit met him in the men’s room and convinced him to come back to his hotel room with him.

And the risk had been completely worth it, the boy was a pro at love making, he delighted and teased Amit through the night and the best thing was he didn’t ask any embarrassing questions. Amit wondered if he could risk meeting this boy ever again. He was almost falling in love with the boy and the thought of his nagging partner back in Mumbai did nothing to help matters.

The boy finished his tea and got out of bed, his strapping physique and unashamed manhood making Amit swallow hard. The boy had told him that nudity was what he loved best and he put on clothes only when it was absolutely needed.

He had taken off Amit’s clothes slowly and then made him parade around naked, even made him walk out to the balcony to make him feel the thrill of cold air on naked skin and Amit had come away with a new lightness in his heart, a spring in his step.

The boy took a long time in the bathroom, Amit waited impatiently for him to reemerge. He had already called his secretary to ask her to cancel all his meetings for the day and he wanted to plan out the rest of the day with the boy. He wanted the boy to take him around the city, show him the things that he would have never seen from the insides of his luxurious car. He wanted to be close to the boy, he wanted to get under his skin, understand how his heart and mind worked. He felt like a teenager in the first flush of love. And he waited for the boy to walk out of the bathroom.

Finally the boy emerged, freshly bathed, smelling of the hotel’s soap and shampoo. He strode to the telephone and called up room service to order a simple breakfast of bread & butter and a lot of fruits. Amit had been planning an elaborate breakfast with caviar and wine. This rude intervention in his plan made his anger flare up till the boy turned and said pleasantly ‘I am famished, you wrung out all my energy last night’ and Amit melted.

The boy quickly picked up his clothes, wore them and put the room back in order, Amit kept sitting and watched the boy move around, wondering what would the boy want to do next.

The breakfast trolley arrived and the food was gulped down in no time. Then the boy started filling up the fruits in his bag. Amit couldn’t help his quizzical expression.

The boy stopped what he was doing and then said ‘these are for my father who is in hospital, I need to go and see him and am too late to be able to stop to pick up some food for him.’

Amit’s plan for a lazy afternoon and evening vanished and keeping his frustration aside he asked the boy enough questions to understand that he was from a lower middle class family, he was studying and did odd jobs to support himself and his ailing father.

Amit began seeing last night in a different light. The boy was sure to ask for money for services rendered. He got up to write out a cheque he wasn’t in the habit of carrying too much cash on him.

The click of the door made him look up and he saw the boy leave, he was about to follow but his nakedness stopped him.

What was he to make of this? The boy didn’t ask for any money or his contact number or any other favor.

He sat at his desk for a long time wondering at the turn of events, cursing himself for thinking that he understood all that was there to understand about human beings.

Finally he pulled himself up and walked to the bathroom for a bath. The answer to all his queries was there, the boy had left a note saying,

‘You looked so lonely last night I couldn’t let you stay that way.’

Pursuit...13

The man stood smoking against the pillar of the bus stop. His new shoe pinched a bit but he kept it on. He saw himself reflected in the tinted glass of a passing vehicle and marveled again at the difference a shave had made to his appearance.

He had to be patient he told himself; last week’s disappointment must not dissuade him. He looked around it was much the same scene, the old woman selling agarbattis in the corner, the sweeper who having finished his morning shift was waiting or perhaps whiling away time by sunning himself and the passing honking traffic and a few people trying to get a lift.

At long last he saw the bus coming, it took the last turn and came to a halt right next to him. The girls spilled out laughing and chattering. This weekly outing was the highlight of their life in the residential school. Pocket money was hoarded for this time when they would be able to buy that yummy pastry at Aunty’s store or pick up delicacies at the neighbouring store which stocked everything from exotic jams, jellies to processed cheese and meat products, not to mention the coloured clips, pens and pencils which were needed to keep up with each other.

The man kept an eagle’s eye out for Deeksha, she had not come in the bus last week. He had waited hopelessly, this week however his patience was rewarded. He spotted her in a group of five girls standing to the side of the bus as if waiting for someone to join them. His first urge was to go up to her and speak but he controlled himself. Deeksha was precious and he had to handle this with utmost care, it wouldn’t do to alarm her at all.

The girls moved off in bunches, the eldest being the first to move off, the younger ones were chaperoned by a teacher and the man was afraid that Deeksha would be too close to a teacher for him to be able to do anything.

Deeksha was oblivious of the man’s presence. Her interest was focused on the new pen she had seen at the shop on her last visit; she wanted one in pink and had asked the shopkeeper to order one for her. Her friends said she wouldn’t get her pen. They had made a bet if she won they would all buy her something she liked otherwise she would treat them all to pastries at aunty’s store.

The girls started walking towards the shop all chattering nineteen to the dozen, the new teacher followed them with a book under her arm and a slightly lost look. The man saw all this and waited, once the group crossed out of sight he got up and followed at a discreet distance.

Deeksha have a cry of joy when the shopkeeper handed over the pen to her as her friends looked on sheepishly. She quickly paid for it and then found a small bracelet she had liked last time which she made her friends pay for. Once done with their purchases the girls headed towards the pastry shop. The new teacher had found a corner seat which overlooked both shops and she sat down there to wait for the girls to return.

Missing...12

The phone call came just as she was dropping off to sleep. Initially the ring of the cell phone sounded far off and she thought she was dreaming but then the sound became more persistent and she realized with a start that it was her cell phone ringing.

The number was unfamiliar and for a moment the events of the past twenty four hours came flooding back. The midnight flight to Delhi and then the long journey to and fro to her daughter’s residential school in the hills. Amit had an important meeting to attend and that meant that they immediately take a flight back to Bombay as well.

The ringing was becoming shrill and she finally picked up the call.

The road was bumpier than she remembered, the recent rains must have caused havoc or perhaps bereft of the sweet nostalgia of her last journey it seemed more tedious. Her nerves were on edges. She couldn’t remember the last time she had traveled so much in so little time. Perhaps in the days when she had been a part of the troupe and had performed at five different locations in a week.

Those trips with the troupe had been her life for so long and now when she thought of them, they seemed part of a hazy film she may have glimpsed long time back. She had worked so hard at removing those memories that all that remained were fragments. But sharp fragments nevertheless for each drew blood as she remembered some or the other sweet word or gesture of her Guru who had abandoned her after using her.

Sunaina stood on the steps of the temple, her hands soiled, her blouse clinging to her. She must have come straight from the fields, Sujata mentally noted as she walked up the steps. Sunaina broke down and started weeping even before Sujata reached her. The pent up fury and helplessness of the past days pouring out in torrents on the sight of a dear friend’s face.

Between hiccups and tears Sunaina’s plight was soon told. She had begged the grocer to give her the essentials to cook the bhog with for a few days till she could inform Sujata and she could come down. Now that too was over and she couldn’t fix the bhog for the next day. Her shame and grief knew no bounds and Sujata whose own mind was in turmoil over the events of the past few days had to set that aside in order to gather her wits and soothe Sunaina.

Money was Sunaina’s biggest problem, for Sujata it was the least of issues. How strange were the ways of the world?

The affair of the bhog was soon remedied and Sujata told the grocer that he was to give whatever Sunaina needed and she would come down every month and pay off the bills. The matter of Inder disappearing was more delicate and difficult to tackle. Sujata wanted to tell Sunaina to lodge a complaint with the Police but didn’t know how to broach the topic. In a village even the most worthless husband is considered as good as God, a complaint against one would ostracize Sunaina and in any case the Police would do little to actually find him.

Sujata kept debating with herself the wisdom of disclosing to Sunaina the episode of the strange man who had been shadowing her daughter. It seemed impossible that Inder would actually be able to find out where her daughter is and then want to trouble her and why should he?

Sunaina’s children were delighted to see Sujata again and each had his or her own story to tell about the missing clothes and their father who had disappeared yet again. Sujata heard them out while Sunaina made the evening meal. How different were the needs and wants of these children from that of her daughter who spoke of European holidays, foreign brands and wanted an Ipod for her birthday, Sujata couldn’t help musing.

These children seemed more mature and yet at the same time more innocent. They didn’t cry out loud when hurt rather they bit their lips and carried on. She glimpsed Sunaina’s quiet pride in them. Which God allows small children to suffer so much she wondered yet again.

The cry from the kitchen woke her from her thoughts and she ran, Sunaina stood shocked next to a hole in the wall.

What happened? Sujata almost screamed.

Sunaina stood rooted to the ground for so long that Sujata had to grab and shake her to get a response.

Finally she gasped, “Your letters are missing too”.

Flee...11

The party was in full swing, as the wannabes tried to ingratiate themselves with those who had already achieved. Sujata held onto her glass of orange juice and looked around for Amit. He had excused himself to take a call on his mobile and had not returned ever since.

She wondered slightly who the call would have been from. Normally Amit didn’t take calls when out for social evenings. Her anxiety to find him had a bit of curiosity however the chief concern was not to be cornered by an acquaintance without Amit, who knew all the correct polite answers to the questions those people, asked.

She wandered on the edges of the party, looking unconcerned and yet keeping an eye out for Amit. Finally she spotted him under a tree, intently talking on the phone. As she watched she felt a twinge of jealousy for all that kept Amit occupied and his life so purposeful. Her own life in comparison seemed so goal-less.

Amit finally kept the phone and looked around; he saw her at a distance and beckoned her to come close.

We need to go home, he said as soon as she reached him.

Not unpleasant words for Sujata at all, she hated these necessary for business parties but such a quick exit surprised her. Amit usually stayed back late, getting acquainted with new people, striking deals with known ones and even whistling and dancing with the performers at times along with the other inebriated males.

Together they started walking towards the entry where the hostess was still standing welcoming guests, a quick excuse about an emergency at work which was pulling them away from such a wonderful party later, they were out.

They got into the car and Amit asked the driver to take them to the airport, initially Sujata didn’t ask anything, waiting for Amit to explain his strange behavior as and when he would deem fit. She assumed he had to take a flight immediately.

Amit seemed preoccupied; he made several calls asking for a certain person whose name she had not heard ever. Then a word caught her ear ‘Mussorie’.

What happened to my daughter? She gasped.

Amit looked at her strangely for a while and then said, ‘nothing yet but something might’.

He didn’t say another word and she knew better than to ask in the presence of the driver, something in Amit’s eyes told her she had to hold her tongue.

She submitted to the long ride to the airport and then once inside waited impatiently for Amit to organize the tickets and then come back and tell her what the whole thing was about. In the meantime her mind ran back to the farce of the puja in her daughter’s name that she had created; she couldn’t help cursing herself for it.

Finally Amit came back and said, ‘our flight for Delhi leaves in an hour and a half.’

He saw the unasked question in her eyes and on impulse gave her shoulders a squeeze and told her not to worry. He sat her down, took her trembling hands in his and then explained.

‘I got a call from her Head Mistress, it seems a man has been asking to meet her, since his name didn’t show on the authorized visitors list he was not allowed. Later the security guards saw him lurking at the gates and playground and even following the school bus.’

Sujata closed her eyes and relaxed a bit, her daughter was safe, and there had been no accidents or sudden illness. It was only a man and though it was disturbing Amit would surely know how to tackle this problem.

Amit looked a little puzzled to see Sujata relax instead of the agitation he was expecting. Strange are the ways of women, he mused.

After a while Sujata who had seemed lost in thought asked, if their daughter was aware of this man following her. Amit wasn’t sure but thought not and said so.

They sat together holding hands each immersed in his or her own thoughts.

The drive up the mountains with the sun barely starting to rise was beautiful and for a moment Sujata forgot the dark shadow of the stranger man who was trying to disrupt her daughter’s peaceful life.

They reached the school gates and the guards who had been informed of their visit asked them to drive in directly to the Head Mistress’s home.

Sujata waited impatiently as Amit and the Head Mistress exchanged pleasantries, this was one talent she had never mastered, the ability to act as if nothing was wrong and talk about inane things when something of much higher importance lay beneath.

As the discussion finally turned to her daughter and this strange man who had been following her, Sujata came alive, asking for details of what the man looked like, what language did he speak etc? Amit looked on amazed at her taking centre stage for once; she got all the details and then relaxed a bit. The man was unknown, not someone from her past as she had feared.

She left it to Amit to make arrangements. It was decided that a private security firm would be asked to protect their daughter while also trying to dig out details on the man. Her desire to meet her daughter was vetoed, since such a visit by both parents would seem strange and they took the winding way back to Delhi.

Blessings...10

Not a fortnight passed when Sunaina realized that the smell of money travels a long distance. Her husband who had been missing for months returned home one evening. It was clear that he knew of Sujata’s visit and the fact that she had left money and provisions with his wife. Sunaina and the children both cringed inwardly on seeing him. They knew drunken brawls and the beatings would now be the norm.

Sunaina thought hard of what to do with the money that Sujata had left behind, she had no doubts that it was for this money that her husband had returned home and once he could lay his hands on the same he would disappear again.

The children quickly hid their new clothes; experience taught them to hide everything from their father. The youngest one was the only one unafraid largely because also inexperienced. She crawled to him and sat close looking up at him wonderingly. It wasn’t often she saw a new face in the house. She was rewarded with a pat on the head and then her father walked away.

Three days passed with Sunaina quaking in fear inside for when Inder would pounce on her for the money and on the outside doing her daily chores. Inder seemed content to laze at home and not bother any one much. He even seemed to have softened towards the children and didn’t shout and kick out at them, as he used to.

Sunaina offered a coconut at the end of a week of her husband’s home coming. He seemed a changed man and she saw no other reason than the fact that she had been regularly coming to the temple and God had finally answered her prayers. It was enough for her that Inder was at home and not fighting or getting drunk. Infact he was also helping her with a few chores. Only yesterday she had returned from the field to find a whole bunch of nicely chopped firewood by the stove. And the other day she had seen him play with the children a game of hopscotch. It was too good to be true and she thanked the Lord for his benevolence.

The daily visits to the temple had given a few minutes of peace and solace to Sunaina in her otherwise ever busy life which she spent running from one task to another. She had earlier never thought about the future of her children. The arduous task of filling their bellies with food twice a day was difficult enough.

Now that her children looked a little well fed and that Sujata had suddenly dropped like manna from heaven into her hell-like world, she wondered if it was possible that with Sujata’s help she could provide for a better future for her children. Once unleashed the possibilities were endless and she dreamt of her children as prosperous, happy people.

A month flew past. Inder continued to be at home. His old cronies had come asking for him to join them but he had refused twice, the third time they came he told the eldest child to go out and say that father wasn’t at home. Sunaina watched all this in astonishment. These were the same men whose lewd remarks she had protested against and had been beaten unconscious by Inder.

On her way home from the field Sunaina had made it a practice to go to the temple to collect the empty utensils. That day too she returned home with the utensils nicely balanced on her head when she spotted her children huddled around the door with grim faces. She quickened her pace though without being told she knew that Inder and the money she had kept in the hole dug under the stove would both be gone.

The eldest one saw her first and cried out, ‘that man has gone away again and he took our new clothes too’.